The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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