Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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