Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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