oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
