DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize