He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
