She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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