mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
