I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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