____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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