WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
