he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Your face is a jimmy john
Soap is not a condiment
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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