he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
