You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
