he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
