And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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