Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
