my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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