Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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