did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
