She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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