in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
