It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
