i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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