Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
