The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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