before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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