is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
