First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
