I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
