On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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