Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
