Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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