allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm both gender and math confused
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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