its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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