So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
