Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
