Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
