I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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