I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
