The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
