she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're too hungover to prance.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
