I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
