that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
