I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
