And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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