At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
