Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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