I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
