i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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