not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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