I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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