Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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