when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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