My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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