dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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