he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
