I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
