I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
