Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
