anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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