I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
