Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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