Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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