i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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