Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
