so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
