you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
