Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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