Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
