You're my little dorito
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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