He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
