Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
