That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
