on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
