He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
